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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Neurosis

Sometimes I really need things to be in their respective places. Dog treats under the cabinet in the kitchen; pillows fluffed on the couch/bed; bathroom stuff in the cupboard or basket; candles and books just so on the shelves; dishes, bowls, cookware in the same cupboard until I move to another apartment. Never mind if every piece of clothing I own is on the floor beside the bed, and my shoes are literally spilling out of the closet and every drawer in my dresser is open. That can all be hidden away from the unexpected house-guest. I know that none of my/Kev friends care what the apartment looks like. But I really do. Sometimes.

Right now, I think everything I've used to get ready for the last two days is sitting out on the bathroom counter. Make-up, hair spray, contact lens junk... and since we don't have any hot water as of late, my razor and shaving cream are on the counter as well. Somehow shaving my legs in the sink seems warmer than sitting on the edge of the frozen tub to do it. In addition to the bathroom war-zone, the living room exploded too. Last night I pulled some rubbermaid containers out of the closet and dug out one of my old journals (more on that later). The tubs are still sitting out, as are the things that were in my way as I struggled to retrieve them. But I have to keep in mind that it's ok. It's ok for your house to look lived in. As long as it's clean, it can be a little disorganized for a minute. Or even a day. Or even two days because I won't be able to clean my mess up tonight and it'll have to wait until tomorrow morning. No big deal.

Now for the reason I have made a mess in the living room- my coveted journal collection. I was specifically searching for the journal I had at the time Kev and I met. Which was so very easy because last Christmas I went through ALL my journals and put a sticky note on the front that informs me of the day I started the journal and the day I ended. Fantastic. Anyway- I really wanted to re-read my life at the beginning of the Kev era. Let me just say that I was twitter-pated to the max. After ONE WEEK I was like "this boy is going to change my life." We hadn't even gone on our first official date yet. He started telling me I was his 'silver platter girl' because I just randomly showed up in his life. Also in the first week, I wrote "What if this stays so wonderful? I might throw up I'm so nervous..." Yup. Sounds about right. And a mere two months into our relationship I told Kev: "I can't believe I'm saying this because it makes me want to pee my pants, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry you" (seriously, who does that? I think it goes against all the rules girls are supposed to play in order to trap a man). Kev just laughed at me and told me not to say that, even though he admitted he felt the same way (HA!! Take that!!). So, I didn't say anything for a little while, and then I started laughing. I told him again that he's going to marry me. Sucker. I told you so.

How does that happen? How do we just know we've met the person we're going to spend forever with? It just hit me so hard that my relationship with Kev was going to be the real deal. I think back to all those times we went out on dates or just got together with friends and I feel all giddy. "When I'm with him, I don't worry. There isn't another person in the world..." Wow, what a sap. But it was and is true. When I'm with Kev I leave my cell phone at home. I don't care who's going to call me or text me. At some point in our relationship, I just had to interrupt a story Kev was relaying to me so I could tell him that he is my very best friend. He said that as he thought about that statement, he realized he felt the same way. I remember him getting up to hug me and what a great feeling that is. I married my best friend.

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