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Thursday, September 25, 2008

My Brain Just Exploded

You may not be able to tell from le blog that the last 4 months or so have been lame. Not 100% lame, but pretty lame a lot of the time.

The Pink House is still great. I love it. I didn't mean it when I told Kev two nights ago that I can't live there anymore. I was just upset about an extension cord. And he fixed it for me so all is well in that department.

Maddie's awesome too. Such a cuddle bug. So playful and energetic. I love taking her on walks. Especially now that she thinks before she misbehaves, so she misbehaves a lot less. She's scared of my squirt bottle. I didn't mean it when I told her the other night that she drives me crazy. I just really wanted her to conduct her business with mother nature so I could go back inside the house.

The reason the last 4 months have been lame is because I feel unfulfilled in my professional life. Kev is a very fulfilling companion. The PH is very rewarding. Maddie is a light in my life (poor dog is going to have a complex). But I don't feel like I'm doing enough, or enough of something good. Not very many people say "thanks" to the lady who calls them on the phone to tell them they're about to be evicted if rent isn't paid.

Catch my drift?

I need a job that suits me better. I crave a job that is more uplifting. The problem is that everything I think I might like to do, and which I might actually do well doesn't seem like viable full-time employment. How unfair is it that I got a degree and now have to work at a job I don't fit into just to pay off my student loans? I mean, yippy, I'm qualified to make money, but I'm only making this money so I can pay off the loans that allowed me to get qualified in the first place. Vicious cycle.

Everyone is always telling me I should write. Um, ok. Yeah, I'd love to. But how the heck does one actually start down that road? Write a book? Submit it to publishers and calmly accept one rejection after another until someone finally bites? Start small? Write columns for newspapers or magazines? It still seems a bit overwhelming right now.

Then there's Yoga. I'm approaching certification with the expectation that I will only teach part-time for fun and a tiny bit of income. I am completely fine with that. But I'd hate to work all day at a crappy job and then feel too tired to even attend a class, let alone teach one. So I have to find a full-time day job that makes me happy so I have the energy to do a part-time job that also makes me happy.

My mind always goes back the July 2008 Ensign article about President Henry Eyring (p 11 specifically). What do I think about when I don't have to think about anything? I haven't figured that out yet. Mostly, I think about something I like, such as Real Estate, Yoga and writing. Then I think about how that would pay the bills. I can't help myself. I wish I could take my brain out of my head and rearrange the wiring. Maybe then I'd get somewhere.

Is it possible to have a mid-life crisis at 24? That's even more lame because it implies my time's up at 50.

I know I'm still very young and that it is extremely common for people to change careers multiple times before settling into a good fit. But that knowledge doesn't help me figure out which career is right for me!

My intention with this post is not to throw a pity party. I just believe that getting it out of my head will help me make more sense of things. And hey, maybe someone reading this will have some tips on how to make progress turning my hobbies into job opportunities. I'm very open to suggestions, no matter how stubborn I may seem.

Really.

2 comments:

  1. Liv - TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.
    just so you know. ~H U G~. I know it'll get better soon! Plus who can blame you for feeling a little done - you've been with housing FOR....EV....VER!

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  2. This is exactly where I was nearly 9 mths ago. Honestly. I cried quite frequently because I couldn't believe I was spending my days filing and dealing with angry parents of athletes. I applied for a billion jobs, went on an interview and the guy practically hired me right there. Two days later I found out I was pregnant. So. That sucked, because I couldn't switch insurances, therefore I had to stay in this sucky job until the baby arrived.
    Anyway, I know exactly the feeling, because even that new job wasn't something I was jazzed about, because I had no idea (still don't) what I want to do.

    So, please don't make my mistake (not that the baby is the mistake) and work at a job just to pay the bills. Do it, find something you love, and do it. Everyone deserves that!

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