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Monday, March 09, 2009

Buck Up

I've been getting a lot of reminders to play the role of supportive wife right now. I need to step back into my cheerleading uniform and stay upbeat despite the lack of employment at my house these days. Being unemployed is kind of depressing. Ok, being unemployed can get really depressing. It can play tricks on a person and creates feelings of self-doubt and loads of frustration. I know Kev is applying for jobs every day, and I know he's making time for lots of projects around the house while he's looking for steady work.

In light of that, I don't have much trouble telling him I appreciate him, and I refrain from asking him often how the job search is coming along. Kev's attitude has been amazingly upbeat considering the circumstances. I know he's bothered by how much time is passing without any leads, but he definitely doesn't take his frustrations out on me.

While it's helpful to have words of encouragement directed towards Kev, I found myself wondering where my cheerleader is. Where's the little fairy that's supposed to root for me when I get out of bed every morning and put in 12-hour days?

I let that thought bother me for a couple of weeks. Then I realized something. There were factors in my life every single day that served as my support system. I just wasn't paying close enough attention.

Every day I come home to a dog that could pee her pants ten times over when I walk through the door. If Kev's home, he mimics Maddie as she runs down the hall to greet me. He's usually waited to eat dinner with me, even if it's 7:30 at night. I find words of encouragement and support in the scriptures I read each day. I'm often reminded not to focus on the vain things of the world (like things we can't afford because my income isn't enough) and instead focus on what is really important (family, health, bills are paid, etc...).

As much as I'd like to travel, or pay off my student loans sooner, or fix my car, or finish the house... I need to remember to be grateful that on my limited income, and the income Kev gets from doing temporary jobs, we're able to pay our mortgage each month. We can afford to pay all our bills and buy groceries and pay full tithes each month. We still have a roof over our heads. We have clothing, we got a great tax return that will allow us to buy new tires for my car, and we were even able to go out to dinner last month and not worry about paying for it.

I received a blessing from the Patriarch of my student ward when I was about 20 years old. It promised that as long as I paid tithing, the windows of Heaven would shower me with blessings.

I believe that has always been true in my life. As long as I put aside my tithe from each paycheck and pay it faithfully, I believe I will have enough to at least get by. There's something about giving that 10% back to the Lord when it seems impossible that makes the blessings that much more noticeable.

It wasn't until after pondering these things that I realized I have the best cheerleaders of all I have spiritual cheerleaders who have a greater perspective than I do.

So while this struggle is hard to endure, and I often don't understand why Kev and I find ourselves in this position, I can start to once more believe that this too shall pass.

5 comments:

  1. I am sorry you guys have to struggle this way...it is seriously the hardest thing in the world to deal with when you are in the think of it. But you do seem to have a good attitude and a great amount of faith. Thank you for this reminder and for the strength you share with me.

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  2. Amen. If I had to pinpoint one thing that's blessed us in our married life, it'd be tithing, without a question. I KNOW it's how we managed when we were first married. I remember sitting down one day, adding up our bills and then looking at our monthly income and we were a couple hundred dollars in the hole. Yet, we paid all our bills, we were able to buy groceries, and we even went out to eat every once in a while. I don't know how to explain it, other than tithing.

    Hang in there! The blessings will come! Thanks for the reminder on gratitude. I needed it today. :)

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  3. i'm really sorry about kevin. my dad was unemployed for a while and it tore him apart. he just felt like a horrible husband/father, had self-doubt, etc. i know it can be rough, so hang in there kevin!! and thank you for these spiritual reminders liv :] i know i can definitely be better about paying my tithing (on time), and being grateful for the things that we have. love you!

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  4. this is a wonderful post. and know that you have many many people out there cheering not only for kevin, but also for you! hang in there, remain faithful, and in due time (the Lord's time is so different from our own sometimes, isn't it?!) you will see the fruits of your efforts.

    while vince was without a job, i strongly believe paying our tithing, reading our scriptures, saying our prayers: all the LITTLE things are what made a BIG difference. it's amazing.

    GO LIV, GO GO GO LIV!!! (that's me being your cheerleader!)

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