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Monday, September 21, 2009

It prompted me to make a melancholy playlist for my ipod.

I think I've been spoiled by being with someone like Kevin. I have all these expectations now about how relationships should be. I expect that people should marry their best friend. I expect that friends of the couple should be happy about the union. I expect that the family of the couple should be thrilled to have an addition via a son or daughter in law. I believe you should be over the moon for the person you marry.

When I see a relationship that I perceive is lacking any or all of these elements, I'm really affected by it. As in, I cry about it. I ache about it. I get a pit in my stomach thinking about it.

Who am I to say that a relationship should have certain elements in it? Everyone is free to make their own choices and deal with their own consequences, whether good or bad. I'm just having a really hard distancing myself from a situation that doesn't even involve me. I told Kev that it feels like the person in this situation is one of my siblings. That's how involved in it I've become.

There's no need for me to feel this way because it's not my problem. I didn't make any choices to regret.

So why did I have a complete emotional breakdown after attending a wedding reception that wasn't even mine? That has nothing to do with my life or my own happiness?

3 comments:

  1. I think it is because you know how great it can be to have all the things you listed and seeing someone who cant enjoy it is hard. You care so much about others that things like that are hard. I am the same way. I hope that today is better!

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  2. One thing I'm slowly learning is to never assume you know someone's story. That homeless guy you pity might be a serial rapist. The poor, skinny dog on the street might have bitten a child for no reason. Your friends, who seem so unhappy, might actually be just fine.

    And people might look at your relationship with pity and sadness.

    I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to make the point that you shouldn't worry yourself sick about other peoples' private lives. Not only do you not know the whole story, but there's little you can do to change it. Stop worrying yourself to tears!

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  3. I know, I know!! I can't judge. But... my friend has expressed unhappiness in the relationship for the last 3 yrs. Yet the marriage took place. Maybe the formal act of committment will help straighten out the relationship? Maybe being married will change the way my friend feels about "settling" (his words!!)

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