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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Heaven forbid I make my life easier for myself.

Yesterday I had my first huge breakdown of my pregnancy. It was an insanely long day at work. I get so busy and overwhelmed that I don't think I can give myself time to eat a lunch and go to the bathroom regularly. I'm always rushing. It's so busy. To get things started on the wrong foot, the parent of a client called at the beginning of the day and promised to make my life a living hell if I didn't do what he and his son wanted. When I tried to explain what I'm allowed to do under contract to assist his son, he told me that I had just given him the opportunity to be the biggest pain in my ass.

Awesome. Thanks dude.

I came home and got a message from a coworker as I walked in the front door. He needed a phone number. I could not remember the company website to look up contact info. I searched my email for half an hour trying to find it. I Googled it. Kev Googled it. I had to give up before I hit my head against a wall.

I tried to find the Tylenol I'm allowed to take for headaches during pregnancy. I couldn't. So I started crying and got into bed. Kev made dinner. I talked myself out of my spaz attack so I could enjoy dinner with him. Maddie helped. I remembered that the Tylenol is on top of the fridge.

Kev said he really doesn't like pregnancy breakdowns. I think they remind him of how I was before I restarted therapy and anti-depressants. That wasn't a very happy or adjusted person.

Next time I'm going to talk myself away from the cliff instead of letting myself jump off.

Today was a much better day.


  1. Oh, Liv. Read through any of my pregnancy ponderings posts and in almost every one I talk about crying. Or having spaz attacks. Remember the Carl's Jr. episode? Crying because the debit card machine was broken?

    Crying over a nursing bra?

    Over a bowl of barfed up Marshmalle Mateys?

    Oh, it's all normal my dear. It does not mean you are a loony.

  2. Thanks so much for letting me steal your computer yesterday for a few hours. You totally made my day better! You have no idea. Thanks for always being so fun to talk to. Even though I haven't known you for too long, it seems like we have! I really am going to try to make it to your class on Tuesdays. It just might be a few weeks, but hopefully I can get there when Cameron is home some night.

  3. Oh dear Livia. It will get better. I had nervous breakdowns that were epic. I distinctly remember each one. I cried so so so hard and I could feel them coming so I would warn Scotty but sometimes no matter what he did we were both screwed haha ;) And I had another one yesterday after almost 2 months of being breakdown free (that doesn't mean cry baby free of course) I still cry the the breakdowns are the worst. However I feel better after even though they usually give me a migraine...

    Pregnant brains are insane.

  4. At least I have awesome awesome family and friends!! I know it's all about breathing through the freak out feelings and not letting them take over.

    Oreos help too.

  5. Hang in there babe! I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's hard being pregnant! Your hormones are ALL over the place. After I had my first baby I was admitted to the ER because of my hysterical episodes that were WAY out of control. MAJOR panic attacks! I've been on anti-depressants since then and will be for awhile, if not always. Talk to me, believe me. I know. I just wish more women would talk about what they go through. Most women hide it. My husband's family didn't believe in depression. So when I was put on medication I was shunned. Thankfully my husband soon learned that what goes on for a woman and for anyone for that matter who suffers from depression is a VERY real thing. Freaking out is OK! Heck, let's freak out together!!!


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