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Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up.

I didn't expect to have a lot of paid time off after my pilates buddy is born, but I wasn't prepared for what I did find out about my maternity "leave."

There isn't any. We haven't been paying into part-time disability so I can't even get partial pay after I use up all my personal and sick days. I think I'm looking at having a maximum of 20 working days off. I'm nervous about that. It would put me back at work half-way through my parents' scheduled visit to Utah. What a great hostess I am! It'll be like, "hey guys, thanks for coming all this way sorry I'm a wreck and have to go back to work please watch the baby for the next week while you're here!" My boss has offered to throw in another week, but I'm not sure at what kind of pay. We're still talking through the details.

What this means is I'm having daily battles with myself regarding time off before my pilates buddy comes. That long-weekend Kev and I have tentatively been planning to take in April? Yeah, that's cancelled. Say goodbye to St. George.

Those hours I was going to take off to complete my Yoga volunteer work to get certified? Yeah, that's cancelled too. Looks like I'll be taking unpaid time off if I want to squeeze in hours teaching Yoga at an elementary school.

Yesterday when I felt like throwing up for four straight hours? Yeah, I worked through that. It's heartbreaking to know that every single minute of paid leave I use before August is a minute I have to go back to work early after having the baby.

And that is why I'm desperate for Kev to find a full-time job as soon as possible. If he can switch to being the provider so I can afford to have unpaid time off after all my paid time off is used, then I think I'll stop having anxiety attacks.

Kris and I had a discussion about this. Why did women have to break through that freakin glass ceiling and enter the workforce and become successful business women? What the heck were they thinking when they fought for equal rights and liberation? Maybe I do want to stay home all day and have my husband boss me around and expect dinner on the table every single night at 6. Maybe I do want to press my husband's shirts while wearing heels and pearls and watching soap operas. Maybe I do want to be oppressed.

What it boils down to is that I just want an opportunity to enjoy motherhood. I don't want to worry about the outside world when the baby arrives in the Pink House. I want to stay wrapped up in her baby smell and tiny clothes and not worry when I get covered in poop and projectile vomit. Who cares about that? I don't have anywhere to go! I just don't know how I can cram all the enjoyment into a short, four-week period. I should live in Canada where they get 15 weeks of paid (by the Federal Government) leave. Wait, isn't Obama working on that for me?

Regardless of the lack of planning on my part for maternity leave, I am grateful this baby is coming. I am grateful to be healthy. I am grateful to have a job I like with co-workers I enjoy. I am grateful to have a husband to help me through this scary time. I am grateful that I have a home. I am grateful.

But as Kris pointed out, there has to be a comfortable balance between preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, and having faith that it will all work out. I need a crystal ball, people.

6 comments:

  1. Shesh! sp? I hope it will all work out for you!

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  2. Oh no that is awful to find out you don't have maternity leave that you could tack on personal leave too. Hang in there chicka, you have SO many people around you who are hear to help.

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  3. I know how you feel Liv! My work suddenly started offering sort term disability last April but because I did not sign up for it in the week window I didn't know about- I don't get it :( I could have at the beginning of the year but since I'm already prego I can't use it. LAME!!

    I have to take 6 weeks unpaid and that really sucks.

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  4. Amen.
    Why did us women get the idea that it would be fair and equal to have us in the workplace?
    I'd love to actually cook Mike a meal and have it done by 6. Instead, we eat frozen vegetables and boxed dinners at 8 o'clock at night.
    And if I were having a baby this year, I would only have SEVEN days of maternity leave. And that's if I didn't use my PTO for anything else.

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  5. If you find a crystal ball can you send one my way?
    All I can say is I know what you're going through. It's the greatest thing in the world to be pregnant and have a baby, but it's nerve-wracking to not know how things will work out or when they will start to work out.
    I can't tell you how many times I had that same debate with myself.
    We had no insurance when Sydney was born and no stable income. She was quite the shock (the best surprise of my life!), but the man upstairs knows what you're going through and you have friends and family willing to help.

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  6. im sorry my dear. you know that saturday im planning on coming up sometime? you can teach me yoga for 7 hours straight if you want. :] love you

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