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Monday, May 17, 2010

I will never be a Pollyanna.

I feel like it's my fault Kev can't find a job. Eight months ago I foolishly believed that if we moved forward in our lives with faith that we could provide for ourselves, that everything could "work out."

Seven months of pregnancy and unemployment later and we're not working anything out.

Quite some time ago I stopped hoping. I couldn't take the disappointment each time a lead didn't pan out. I felt guilty for being pessimistic, but I thought it'd be safer that way.

Last week Kev had a meeting with a potential employer. It's the one we've been waiting for since March. I was looking forward to it since all communication leading up to this meeting had been pretty positive. I just wanted some closure, one way or another.

When Kev came home and shared the bad news I felt so stupid for hoping. The result of the meeting wasn't horrible, but it wasn't good. The potential employer assured Kev that they're interested in hiring him before the end of this year, but right now they can't do anything.

I wish I could stay pregnant until "before the end of this year" comes around.

5 comments:

  1. Oh livia, I'm so sorry I know what its like to get your hopes up time and time again, none of the good paying jobs that would use my husbands sales experiance ever panned out and that is why he worked at 5 buck pizza, Smiths, and now at teleperformance still underemployed but yet employed. I cant offer a solution and i hope that one comes about, If Keven is desprate enough I know that Teleperformance is constantly hiring it might not be ideal but it makes a good filler job until something better pans out- sometimes its just nice knowing that a paycheck is coming in 2 weeks. let me know if that is something Keven would be interested in and Jared could definately put in a good word.

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  2. It's like we are living in the same situation, only mine has been with our house. It just comes to a point when you are trying not to hope because you are so sick of the disappointment. It has just been this week when I have come to realize that I am not going to always get what I want, when I want it to happen. It has actually freed me from so much frustration and a lot of crying and helped me realize that things are going to be ok, even though they didn't happen the way I thought they should.

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  3. umm yeah. i feel ya. minus that whole pregnant thing. josh is still just working at apx, having people shout at him all day, while we look for something permanent in our field. it is SO frustrating!!! grrrrr. just tell your little girl she needs to stay inside for some extra lovin haha.

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  4. Man, we've been there. I remember in our third year of marriage right before our first baby this happened. Jason drove school bus for just over a year, and he'd come home from interview after interview as their second pick. The worst was the day I found him on our bed crying.

    And now, eight years later, he's got a solid government job that he'll never lose unless they kill him or China takes over. Yay! Hope!

    Also, don't tell anyone about the crying part.

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  5. I know what you mean. I've been struggling with this for a little while.

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