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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Week 28

I am fa-reaking out this week about having a baby.

Like, where is she supposed to be all the time? In MY house? Under MY care? Who the heck am I to raise a human being? What have I done? Wait, let's ask Kev what HE did. This is, after all, his doing. Don't let him try to tell you that I talked him into it.

The reality of the situation sinks in each time I feel a swift kick and jab from my Pilates buddy. She is having a real party in there. During Pilates this week it was so gross to see her protruding while I did ab work. I hope her little brain is protected by super thick layers of insides so I don't squeeze all her smarts out during my crunches. She must be doing alright in there though because even after subjecting her to jalapeno guacamole she didn't abandon ship. But... eventually she IS coming out.

So, yeah. Back to not knowing what the heck is going on here. What am I supposed to do when I take her in to the grocery store and halfway through my shopping trip she starts screaming and won't stop? I think I'll be forced to abandon my cart full of food and seek refuge in the car.

Also, what is Child and Family Services take on dogs being babysitters? Am I headed straight to prison if I leave the baby on the living room floor with Maddie when I check the mailbox? She is a pretty responsible dog but I don't need any problems if she squeals on me. Not to mention the fact that half of the baby's clothes have now been worn by the dog (don't judge me, it's HILARIOUS). Is that against the rules too?

I'm also getting apprehensive about procuring more of the essentials for baby- booger sucker, diaper genie/diaper stink container, baby tub, nail clippers, thermometer, stroller, bedding... uhg. Kev says not to sweat it because we'll figure out what we need as we go along. This is probably true to an extent, but he's forgetting that MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE if I don't have my list all checked off before going into labor.

Speaking of labor- what the heck am I supposed to do if my water breaks when I'm teaching a class? I mean, yes, my mat is rubber and can easily be washed but I don't think I can as easily wash away my embarrassment. Oh the horror. I suppose that would be better than having my water break while in bed. I really don't want to fork over the cash to replace it. And heaven knows I won't sleep on it ever again if I leak baby juice on it. Gag. Time to get a plastic cover, even if Kev says a tarp will be just fine (you think wrong mister!). Maybe I'll start sleeping in the yard on the air mattress. It'll be cooler outside than in the Pink House come July, I'll guarantee you that much.

If you didn't already know I'm slightly neurotic, then you do now. I just can't help all the thinking that goes on in my head. Incubating a small person does all sorts of stuff to my brain. At least it's normal, or it shows that I do actually care about this small person. I worry about her as much as I worry about Maddie, and that's saying a lot.


  1. You are so normal. I totally remember those feelings. It was worse after we went to the birthing class and I realized what was actually going to happen to me. It's not so bad though. You can do it. You could always carry a jar of pickles with you and then if your water breaks, just drop the jar of pickles.
    One suggestion on the diaper genie thing, just use grocery sacks. You just stick it in, twist it, then turn it inside out and do the same thing again until you can tie it off with the handles. There is no stinkiness that gets out and it will save a ton of money. Maybe not the most environmentally friendly, but neither is the diaper or the genie.

  2. It's okay to freak out now and then. You are going through drastic changes and you have no idea what to expect. I was induced with James and as I was walking into the hospital I told Mark I hated him and it was all his fault! I had the same fear with my water breaking in bed and Mark said the same thing about getting a tarp! Guys are all the same!!

  3. You will get it all together, I am sure! You are forgetting the super fabulos-ness of baby showers? You get all the odds and ends and it should make you feel a little bit better. Just mention the things you need to a few friends and I am sure that they may turn up as a gift. You can do it! And I think for a 2 minute walk to the mail box, CPS will be ok with Maddie. Now, a 20 minute trip to the store...that is another issue all together. ;)

  4. It's normal. You'll be just fine. Screw the diaper genie altogether and just go on a diaper hunt around your house once a week for all the dirty ones that have gathered over time. (Not that I have ever done that.) And hardly anyone's water breaks before you go into labor, so you're probably safe. Think of all the morons over time who have birthed and safely raised kids. You'll be ok.

  5. I remember when my mom said she didn't know what to do with me right after she had me when she had to go to the bathroom. So she would bring me with her...haha! I haven't had a child, but from what I hear, everyone discovers they have those weird fact, I think you may be doing it earlier than the average person! :)

  6. I couldn't help laughing because I had most of the same thoughts too! I won't tell you not to worry, because you will anyway. But I survived and--best of all--Child survived too! :)

  7. I mean, yes, my mat is rubber...

    I <3 your blog!

  8. If it makes you feel better, I left my two and four year old in the bathtub tonight, snuck out of the house to pick up my seven year old from piano, and nobody died.

    I will deny this if you turn me in.

  9. At least you're doing it now. As soon as Julie came out I thought "Oh crap, what did I just do? I don't know how to take care of a kid." Yep, those were my first thoughts after childbirth. :)


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