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Friday, August 27, 2010

Penny for your thoughts, Month 1.

Aspen-

You've survived one whole month in the care of your parents. Unbelievable, considering how unprepared I felt after you were born. Sure, I spent nine months incubating you and brushing up on baby-caring skills, but I still felt clueless that first night in the hospital (and you were in the good hands of the NICU that night!).

In the last month, you have grown oh-so-much. Your cheeks have filled out, your tummy has plumped, and your grumpy faces have increased. I'm pretty sure you just don't understand why we do things the way we do here on Earth. That's ok because I feel the same way sometimes. At your first check up, you weighed a whopping 7lbs 1/2oz. That means you bounced right back up to your birth weight and then some within your first week of life. I find that quite impressive considering you would nurse for about four minutes before falling into catatonic sleep on my chest.


Speaking of breastfeeding. Wow. What a ride that has been. Aspen, I wanted to breastfeed you for a number of reasons: 1) IT'S FREE; 2) It provides you with perfect nutrition without any guesswork; 3) It's supposed to be convenient to be able to whip out a boob and satisfy your hunger at any time; 4) It would help me lose some of the baby weight and get me back into shape that much faster for resuming my Pilates/Yoga classes.

I was aware that breastfeeding would be difficult, but I was not prepared for just how difficult it would be. We both cried a lot those first few days. My boobs swelled up to the size of cantaloupes and I felt like a monster with a lopsided chest. It was not pretty- on so many levels. Things were leaking, things were aching, things were just horrible. I couldn't move because my bum hurt and using my arms to adjust hurt my chest. It was a big mess. You couldn't latch on and you'd snort in frustration. Did I mention it was horrible?

Thankfully though, we have survived. After the first week of diligent feedings we got over one of many roadblocks. You still only eat for a few minutes per side, but I'll take what I can get. As long as you keep pooping, I know we're good. And since you had gained 11oz by the time you had a three-week checkup, I knew we were doing something right.

Oh, and speaking of poop... one time you squeaked one out between the dirty and clean diaper and it went right into my belly button. Good shot kid! It's always an adventure to wipe your bum. Kev and I are considering cloth diapers once you're bigger so we can try saving some money; we'll see how that goes. I read an interesting blog post on the subject that got me thinking. Another bonus is that cloth diapers may be more gentle on your lady parts and prevent excessive diaper rash. Aspen, please forgive me for talking about your bum on the Internet... but also note that this won't be the last time.

It is a real treat being your parents, even when it's 3:45am and I'm whimpering on the kitchen floor because you're refusing to fall asleep for the umpteenth time and Kev has to come in and relieve me so HE can get some sleep after he works his magic getting you to snooze. You're lucky to have him as your dad. He loves you so much and thinks you're the most beautiful baby in the entire world. He says so all the time and I'm inclined to agree. I hope you find a man like him someday, but that "someday" better be in 20 years.

Please know that although I hope you'll grow up as fast as possible so I can have my boobs back and a good nights' sleep, I don't forget to appreciate everything that's good about you as a newborn. It's hard to overlook the sleep deprivation and the depression and the frustration, but I do love that you're here and you're mine and you let me cuddle you even when you're screaming bloody murder between feedings.

Adjusting to your presence in the family is hard for me, but I wouldn't ever wish you away. I have hope that we'll survive the newborn stage and I'll like you even more than I already do.

I love you, my little Pilates buddy.

-Mama

4 comments:

  1. What a sweet post :) I cant believe Aspen is already one month old! We cant wait to finally meet her tomorrow at your baby shower. It sounds like she is doing great & gaining weight. Thats funny about her poop going in your belly button. My sister in law uses cloth diapers & she said she actually really likes them & they are so much better than what they used to be.

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  2. wow, i cannot believe she's already one month old!

    love this post!!

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  3. she is SO adorable. i can't get over it, that open mouth sleep is just killer!

    i can't believe it's been a month!

    ah, the poop. that happened to me once, and i had to hold it in between my legs while yelling at caleb and my sister to bring me towels. we were in utah and it was supposed to be a quick change before driving to heber to caleb's parents, but it ended up being a LOOOONG change. for both of us. :)

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  4. what a cute post, time really does go by so fast. Aspen is lucky to have you two for parents, it's been a rough adjustment but you are doing great, it'll get easier every day maybe by just a smidge but it will slowly improve. I love how you are having a rough time and still manage to stay positive, way to be.

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