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Monday, January 03, 2011

Parent fail.

Thursday was a hard day. Actually, every day that follows a night during which I only sleep for 1.5 hours at a time is a hard day.

I've resorted to sleeping on Aspen's nursing chair again, with a large ottoman making it comfortable. It's easier to sleep in her room rather than in my own because I don't have to be as coherent to find her in her crib and then either A) soothe her there or B) nurse her. I've also perfected the art of nursing while laying down so it's nicer for Kev that I take care of business in the baby's room rather than ours.

Overall, Thursday wasn't too hard. It's just that everything is harder when you're tired, and when your prescription for anti-depressants is out and you keep forgetting to follow up with the refill request you submitted two weeks ago...

Thursday night was what sucked. Around seven the screaming started. And I'm not talking a little crying. No no no. "A little crying" is referred to as "fussing" in our house. It's small potatoes. Screaming is when the wee one takes a huge breathe and then all the dogs in the neighborhood come running at the sound of the piercing cry. I have no idea what triggered it since Aspen and I were having a great time dancing around the living room to Jimmy Eat World. I was about to settle her for an evening nap when she started wailing in my lap. I tried a binky, I tried bouncing, I tried laying her down and not touching her, I tried her crib, I tried changing her, I tried nursing her, I tried everything I could think of.

Finally, I gave Aspen a dose of infant Tylenol since she seemed to be really agitated by something. When that didn't noticeably improve her mood I caved and took her to the clinic by our house. I was so nervous that perhaps her cough had developed into something worse and was causing her pain, or that RSV had reared its ugly head and she couldn't breathe, or that aliens were trying to claw their way out of her abdomen.

Naturally, Aspen screamed (so much she gave herself a rash on her face) right until I put her on the exam table and took her clothes off. Then she practically charmed the pants off the nurse and was a pleasant little cherub the entire time she was examined. Even when the giant q-tip was shoved up both her nostrils.

I felt like a total failure as a parent. I was ready to fall on the floor whimpering while my happy baby was examined by the nurse and pediatrician (who found absolutely nothing wrong with her other than a pink inner ear, which was probably caused from the hour of non-stop screaming at home).

The minute I put my sweet, gurgling, cooing baby in the car to drive home, the crying started again. I don't usually nurse Aspen to sleep, but I made an exception once we got home. She fell asleep before even ten minutes went by and I let her slump against my shoulder while I cried tears all over her lavender-smelling head. Once I finally pulled myself together I eased Aspen into her crib and she finally took that nap I'd been working on two hours before.

When she woke up, Kev held her for nearly half an hour while she practically sparkled for him and showered him with smiles.

I think my baby is just getting tired of me.


  1. Im sorry it sounds like it was a rough day & not much sleep doesnt help with the situation. Its hard when they scream & you try everything to console them & nothing works. You are a great mom! I probably would have done the same thing. Dont be too hard on yourself I know its easier said than done.

  2. Ah! I hate those days! I know you are a great mom though! I don't want to be an annoying "know it all", but I have 3 older sisters with kids, and they use to nurse their babies laying down, and then found out that you are REALLY not suppose to do that, I can't remember why, so I would maybe ask a doctor about it! Sorry to butt in!


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