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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

What's your major malfunction?

I've been verbally assaulted with this phrase from a number of women: "I want to be done having children by the time I'm 30." Some of these women are almost there, some of them are not even halfway there. Some of them have a few children under their belts already, some of them only one.

Kev and I never set a deadline for starting a family. I kind of just felt like the time had come and then we ended up waiting at least a year after that impression hit me. I was 26 when Aspen was born. I cannot imagine having more children. It's just to hard to think about right now. But with all these other moms saying they're aiming to have all 12 of their kids before 30, I'm like, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

The other night I asked Kev to be honest and tell me if he thinks I'm capable of raising another baby. He's so smart because he told me there's no reason to worry about that right now. All I need to worry about is Aspen. If we have more children, great. If we don't, great.

It's still hard to shake the feeling that I'm missing something. Like I'm missing the drive to multiply and replenish the earth that all these other women have. I suppose if they have the drive, then I don't have to, right?

10 comments:

  1. I love this post! I could go on and on about this subject, but I will just leave it at the simple fact that there are plenty of people that can have plenty of kids, I am not one of them. My temperament wont allow for many children, but I will enjoy the ones I have!

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  2. I love reading your posts :) I dont think i've ever thought about being done at 30, Jared wants to be done at 40 but I still dont think he'll get his wish. Enjoy your cute aspen, nobody will ever think the less of you if you take your time to have another if you choose to :)

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  3. Ughh.. So many things I could say on this subject. But I won't.

    Just one: I'll be lucky if I have ONE kid by the time I'm 30, and if people want to criticize that, so be it.

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  4. Ha ha I hope this wasn't inspired by my recent rant on my blog :)
    http://we-are-jones-in.blogspot.com/
    When I got married at 21 most everyone said it was too early. I didn't think I was going to have children at all (I wanted to adopt when we had plenty of money and were totally stable. I grew up back east like you. All these freaks in Utah had it all backwards, or so I thought.) At 22 I was pregnant with our first child. That was when I decided I wanted to be done at 30. If I was giving birth to these children that my husband wanted 4 of, I was setting a deadline. Now pregnant with our 3rd child I have never been asked so many times in my life "you are pregnant AGAIN?" Like I keep catching some kind of rare disease. I was pretty much an only child for 19 years and then my mother started over and had my baby sister. We are her only 2 children and we are 19 years apart.
    Don't listen to anyone. If the plan was the same for everyone there would be a lot of unhappy people.

    PS Love the name Aspen!

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  5. Court, I read your post and realized how often that statement has been said to me recently. And other moms have been asking when I'll have another. So these thoughts just needed to be shared.
    I'm impressed by women who have more than one child, and who have them close together. It's hard work that I don't know if I can do!

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  6. Cory always promises me things will work out and they always do. It wasn't something we did lightly. I am sure whatever you decide will be right for you and your family. I am glad to hear you are deciding and not just having a baby because everyone else seems to want you to have one.

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  7. A to the MEN, sister. A to the MEN.

    P.S. My great grandma didn't start till she was 27. And she had 10. She was birthin those bairns well into her 40's.

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  8. I think it is their desire to be the ones who retire at 55 and then just go on cruises and vacations with their husbands and friends since all the kids will be off on their own by then. I think, as a non-mother who is already in her 30's, that being a mother later in life isn't so bad. And I also happen to think that spacing the kids out 4 or 5 years is NOT a bad thing. Heck, if you only want one kid, then only have one. What do these utahans know anyway? ;) I do say this with all the love in the world. Just on a rant of my own today. :)

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  9. To each their own. Some are fit to have 10, some 3, some 1, some none, etc. Heavenly Father knows us and what we are capable of. And if we have a certain calling in life that having many children would keep us from doing, etc. Why does it matter what other people think? It's between us and the Lord. That's why we're all different.

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  10. I have often heard the phrase "When are you going to start". First: When I got married at 17, I thought I would have kids right away, it's been almost 9 years. I don't have one. I have wanted and wanted it just hasn't happened. We planned for 6, maybe we are not meant to have any. Who knows? I would like to have atleast one. So if you and Kevin are fine with just Aspen, who cares what everyone else thinks. It's your life.

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