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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Make new friends, but keep the old.

When Kev and I were brand-newly wed, I met a girl in our ward who I thought was the definition of cool. She was inviting and easy to talk with, and she seemed SO SMART. I was a little intimidated.

She was called to host the book club in our ward and I was nervous about attending. I didn't want to seem dumb while discussing the book. I was still in school and hadn't done a lot of recreational reading due to time constraints. I felt out of practice when it came to reading just for the heck of it.

Regardless, I bought a copy of the book at Walmart (Three Cups of Tea) and devoured it. I loved it. I went to the book club meeting and I don't remember a single thing. Shortly thereafter, Kev and I left that ward because we didn't feel like we fit in. And there was that one time some girls and their husbands made me cry during Sacrament meeting because they were really, really mean (married wards are BRUTAL!).

Anyway. Fast forward a few years and that super-cool, super-smart girl and her husband become my neighbors. I muster the courage to say hi and welcome her to the neighborhood, but interactions for the next year or so remain superficial.

It wasn't until this summer that I really bridged the gap. I found that the way into any one's heart and home is food. Most-definitely, hands-down, food. We've shared treats and fresh fruits and vegetables across the street this summer. We've spent a few minutes here and there on front porches and in living rooms. Aspen has stalked their kitty and invited herself over their threshold. She's also invited them into her heart as well.

Making friends can be hard as we get older and have fewer opportunities to mingle with new people. Life becomes all about work or family or other obligations and we forget to make time for ourselves and the interests we share with others. I'm grateful that this summer a new friendship has sprouted, and that it involves a lot of good food.

9 comments:

  1. I can't BELIEVE someone would make you cry at church!! Especially adults! And members of the church! I'm in the mid-west, and a fairly new member of the church (4 years)...but I've heard that things out west are just different. I guess since we don't have many mormons around here, we stick together...even though, i will admit we have a few weirdos in our branch. Good luck with your new friendship, it can definitely be intimidating at times!!

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  2. One of the girls was really nice and later that week she tracked down my number, called me, and apologized. It was really awesome of her.

    But yes, it seems like we behave differently depending on where we are and who we're with, even if we're all LDS.

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  3. wow, thats nuts they were so rude! i know just because we are LDS it doesn't make us automatically nice, but that still shocks me that grown women would stoop so low. i feel really lucky -- our married student ward is great, everyone is really nice to everyone and luckily it doesn't get clicky.

    i find it terribly hard to make friends now as an adult. as i've gotten older its harder for me to open up to people the way i did with my friends growing up. luckily, i still see a lot of my best friends from growing up, so that makes me happy. i really do think i need to push myself though to really get to know more people, i think it would be good for me.

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  4. I have to agree that married wards can be brutual. We enjoyed our time in ours & were sad to leave but it didnt feel very superficial, trying to show off & one up someone.

    And it is hard making friends. I always wanted nice neighbors we could hang out with etc. now that we've been in our home ward for over a year Im finally getting to know people in my ward & in my subdivision but its still a process. I should take them a treat like you suggested.

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  5. What's crazy to me is how hard it is to make good friends. Like, real ones. I have a lot of what some people would most likely consider friends, and yet, I feel the loneliest I have in my whole life. Humans ache for meaningful relationships not burdened with superficiality. I know I do.

    [Oh, and I consider you a real, good friend Liv. :)]

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  6. People can be so mean in those wards. I did meet some nice friends though. It is very hard to maintain friendships, let alone trying to make new friends with fake people.

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  7. That's awesome you were able to make friends and bridge that gap. It's hard to make friends as we get older.

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  8. Oh man, I am so sorry that that happened to you! I was reading this and I started thinking that I hope that wasn't me that did that without realizing, sometimes I get paranoid that I am mean without meaning to be, ya know what I mean? I hope I never make anyone feel like that!

    I'm so glad you posted this though, I need to be better about getting out there to make more friends instead of waiting for them to come to me. I'm like Meliss and feel like even though I have friends, I just don't have really good friends and it just makes you feel so lonely. Especially when the friends that you think are good friends don't really think of you that way and you end up feeling like a back-up friend. Ya know, like they'll hang out with you when they don't have anything better to do? Hate that.

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  9. Super interesting that you posted this...just because my friend, Erika, and I both also just posted a "friends" blog and didn't know the other one was doing the same. I think it is on the minds of a lot of people right now for some reason...anyway, even if we don't talk a wicked lot, I still consider you a good friend. Us East Coast chicas need to stick together :)

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