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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Penny for your thoughts, month 12

Aspen-

Usually, I write your monthly post throughout the entire month. It makes it easier for me to remember all the little things that we learn and do together. But this month has been so busy! We've both been sick most of the month, so that didn't help. Also, you learned to crawl last week so we're spending a lot of our time cruising around the house. So I'm writing this post the day before your birthday instead.

I keep thinking back to what I was doing last year at this time. I was super-pregnant, it was super-hot and I was super-nervous. After work I spent all my time in the cellar trying to keep from spontaneously exploding from the heat. Maddie and I were watching Friends together non-stop. Daddy and I were trying to get your room cleaned out and ready for your arrival. The new windows were being installed. It was one headache after another.

The night before you were born, I laid in bed just after midnight with Daddy and Maddie. I allowed a couple of tears to slide down my cheeks to help relieve some stress from my over-worked body and mind. Then we slept for a few hours and woke up to a new day. A day that I hand-picked to be your birthday. Hope you don't hate me for that. I just thought seven twenty-seven had a nice ring to it.

Although you've been with us for a year, I still have trouble believing this is real. I can hardly wrap my mind around the fact that this is our life. I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing, being a parent and all. There are days when I wonder if I can possibly be the kind of parent you deserve.

Over the weekend I told Daddy that this is sometimes so very hard. He looked at me and said that IT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE EASY. So true. Life is not supposed to be easy. If it was, nothing would be of any value to us. We're here to labor, toil, rejoice, cry, and experience everything.

My little Penny, I'm so happy to have you. I'm so happy you're here. I'm so happy that we figured out how to breastfeed and to get you to sleep in your own bed and to sign "please" and play nicely with the dog and read books and eat yummy food and to wave and smile and to say "dada" and to give hugs and so much more.

On your birthday, I made you dance for the camera. Show all the nice people on the Internet your mad skills, k?



Love you, girlfriend.
Mama

3 comments:

  1. cute overload! happy birthday aspen you are cute as a button!

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  2. She is seriously so cute. Wow that year went quick. And do worry about feeling like you have no idea what you are doing. We all feel that way. That is what makes you a good parent, being able to admit that you have no clue what you are doing, but you keep trying anyway.

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