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Tuesday, May 08, 2012

My story, an addendum

Read previous posts on this topic by clicking here.

When Josh Powell locked himself and his children in his house and then blew it up, I was devastated. I could not stop reading redundant news articles about the catastrophe.

It brought back all my old fears of what could have happened the day my dad burned our house down. I remember faking sick that morning, telling my mom I wanted to stay home. Since she worked full-time, I would have been home alone, drinking too much soda and rotting my brain watching too much TV. It was always the best to stay home fake sick.

But that morning, my mom wouldn't let me. She made me go to school since I was perfectly healthy. What if she hadn't? What if I had been there when my dad broke in? What could have happened? Part of me wonders if it would have thrown him off enough to derail his plans. Another part of me shudders to think of alternatives.

When my dad made the decision to torch our home, he did it methodically. He used accelerants throughout the home to support the fire. He wrote a horrible letter to my mom, telling her exactly why he felt she deserved this. And once the fire was blazing, he unsuccessfully tried to hang himself in the yard.

Dozens of fire fighters responded to the explosion. My dad was cut down from a tree and resuscitated. I was told that when he was being wheeled into the ambulance, he remarked that he was such a loser he couldn't even kill himself. He showed no remorse for his actions.

That leads me to believe it was probably best I went to school that day.

4 comments:

  1. Livia,

    I just wanted to tell you how brave I think you are for sharing your story. I remember the day this happened. I remember feeling so heartbroken for your family. I remember wondering how a 12 year old girl would ever get over such heartbreak. And then I remember just a few months later making up dances to Spice Girls on your front lawn - and having so much fun together and trying not to think about all the hard stuff. You are amazingly strong woman and I have loved reading about the person you are today. Thanks for sharing your story.
    Kim (Crane) Larsen

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  2. I'm sure you're tired of hearing it, but I also would like to thank you for sharing this very personal story. I'm going through some difficult family turmoil right now (all of it related to my alcoholic dad), so it's nice to know that I'm not alone. It's even nicer to know that people CAN go through stuff like this and come out the other side witty, intelligent, charming and basically awesome.

    I appreciate your words.

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  3. kim!! i remember those spice girls dances too. liz blackhurst was another "choreographer" too. it's so nice to have those memories despite all the craziness.

    and heather, i'm glad you feel a little less alone regarding family drama. i haven't shared a lot of this with even some of my closest friends in person, and i'm finding that in this forum it's easier.

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  4. I too would shudder to think of a different outcome, however, I am thankful your mama sent you off to school.

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