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Tuesday, March 05, 2013

A quarter-life crisis, perhaps?

Over the years I've pitched ideas to various publications, trying to get my foot in the door. But I think we all know that unless you know someone, it can be hard to get a job. And that goes for any type of job. In my experience, I think I've only gotten jobs because someone referred me, with the exception of that summer I worked at GAP outlet in Freeport. Other than that, I got a job because of a connection.

I think that's why it has been so hard to find something in a new city. I don't know enough people. And networking as a full-time-stay-at-home-mom is freaking hard. After Aspen was born, I didn't even have six weeks off before I started teaching classes again. Yes, obviously that was very different from the full-time plus part-time jobs I worked up until she was born, but it at least got me in contact with people multiple times a week without a baby in tow.

After months of having no job at all (except the occasional paid post on my blog via BlogHer) I'm feeling it. That desire to do more. Yes, obviously parenting is a full-time thing no matter what else you have on your plate. But it doesn't offer the same sense of accomplishment that reaffirms I'm not just a parent, I'm also a person. I've written about this before- feeling like I've lost my sense of self. I realize that for me, it's important to have a life outside of being a mother. I mean, I was just me for 26 years, so it only feels right that I should hang on to that person despite adding the role of mother 2.5 years ago.

What I'm saying is I feel anxious that opportunities are slipping away. Things that I could be doing (while still technically being a SAHM) are out there but I can't find them. It's disheartening and I don't know what to do about it. I hate being stuck in this phase, not knowing what's coming next or what I should work toward or how to get there.

When it comes to writing jobs, I feel so intimidated since I've never done anything legit. Yes, I have an English degree but that means nothing if I haven't put it to use other than through my personal blog for the last five years. And with Yoga, I'm not RYT certified with the Yoga Alliance, and many places I've looked require that qualification for employment. So do I take more classes and further my Yoga certification (which costs at least $1500)? Or do I pursue writing more seriously? Both? Neither? The point is to have a job that actually generates income and self-worth, so I don't want to do something that requires me to spend all my money on Aspen's childcare.

It's hard to let go of how things were in Ogden. I had such an ideal set up for teaching classes and exchanging free childcare with friends and keeping all my income. But, of course, in the bigger picture Kev was so ridiculously unhappy in his job, and as the breadwinner he deserved to pursue options that made his life better (and in turn, the rest of ours!).

So here I am. Still trying to figure out my life at 28-almost-29. Got any advice?

6 comments:

  1. Wow $1500 that is insane! I hope you figure out what path to take. I completely understand what you mean. I had a hard time giving up my one day a week because it was one day I was with grown ups, doing something I loved (not that I dont love staying at home) but it gets a little old & wearing doing the same thing every day.

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  2. If you want to try to start up a freelance writing career, you can look around sites like o-desk. They are totally legitimate, and offer you the chance to find jobs from home and build up your resume.

    But I feel you. I don't have kids yet, but I'm currently living in England with my husband while he goes to school. Legally, I'm not allowed to work here...soooo...that's rough. And boy do I miss making money, having a life outside my house, etc.

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  3. Some day, I do want to get RYT certified, especially when Aspen's in school and my scheduled will be more flexible to teach classes all over the place. But right now, that doesn't make a lot of sense.

    I'll have to check out o-desk, thank you!

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  4. the way we got these jobs is that i found it on our major's online job board, and then harassed the crap out of them. i would email or call a couple times a week. so if there is any kind of listing you're interested in, just stay on it. or continue to send in your work to publications, and follow up like a crazy person. good luck, and keep at it :)

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  5. This is exactly what I've been struggling with for the past 5 years. After years of thinking I needed to work hard on my own and eventually something would come up, I embraced the fact that I KNOW PEOPLE. And they were (un)surprisingly helpful.

    But before that I went back and forth a lot about what I really wanted to do, what kind of writing, where I wanted to be published, etc. And then I realized I was being too picky. I just wanted to play with words and I'd be happy to have people pay me to do it, even if it wasn't the kind of writing I eventually want to do. You gotta start somewhere, right?

    Having said that, do you know what kind of writing you want to do? Would you do copywriting? I have some friends who say they find freelance copywriting work through Twitter a lot. Just searching #freelance #copywriting.

    Best wishes on finding something!

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  6. I just read a wonderful talk called "Mothers Who Know" by Julie Beck that was very inspiring to me during a hard time regarding being "me" as well as a "mother". Hope it helps you too

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