Over the years I've pitched ideas to various publications, trying to get my foot in the door. But I think we all know that unless you know someone, it can be hard to get a job. And that goes for any type of job. In my experience, I think I've only gotten jobs because someone referred me, with the exception of that summer I worked at GAP outlet in Freeport. Other than that, I got a job because of a connection.
I think that's why it has been so hard to find something in a new city. I don't know enough people. And networking as a full-time-stay-at-home-mom is freaking hard. After Aspen was born, I didn't even have six weeks off before I started teaching classes again. Yes, obviously that was very different from the full-time plus part-time jobs I worked up until she was born, but it at least got me in contact with people multiple times a week without a baby in tow.
After months of having no job at all (except the occasional paid post on my blog via BlogHer) I'm feeling it. That desire to do more. Yes, obviously parenting is a full-time thing no matter what else you have on your plate. But it doesn't offer the same sense of accomplishment that reaffirms I'm not just a parent, I'm also a person. I've written about this before- feeling like I've lost my sense of self. I realize that for me, it's important to have a life outside of being a mother. I mean, I was just me for 26 years, so it only feels right that I should hang on to that person despite adding the role of mother 2.5 years ago.
What I'm saying is I feel anxious that opportunities are slipping away. Things that I could be doing (while still technically being a SAHM) are out there but I can't find them. It's disheartening and I don't know what to do about it. I hate being stuck in this phase, not knowing what's coming next or what I should work toward or how to get there.
When it comes to writing jobs, I feel so intimidated since I've never done anything legit. Yes, I have an English degree but that means nothing if I haven't put it to use other than through my personal blog for the last five years. And with Yoga, I'm not RYT certified with the Yoga Alliance, and many places I've looked require that qualification for employment. So do I take more classes and further my Yoga certification (which costs at least $1500)? Or do I pursue writing more seriously? Both? Neither? The point is to have a job that actually generates income and self-worth, so I don't want to do something that requires me to spend all my money on Aspen's childcare.
It's hard to let go of how things were in Ogden. I had such an ideal set up for teaching classes and exchanging free childcare with friends and keeping all my income. But, of course, in the bigger picture Kev was so ridiculously unhappy in his job, and as the breadwinner he deserved to pursue options that made his life better (and in turn, the rest of ours!).
So here I am. Still trying to figure out my life at 28-almost-29. Got any advice?