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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Postpartum planning

Since Aspen got over her stomach bug, I've been like, "LET'S DO ALL THE THINGS!!"

It feels so good to get out of the house every day and make the rounds of work, library, friends, etc. I'm getting nervous for when we have a newborn and I may feel too overwhelmed to do those things for a while.


While I still have the power of somewhat-rational thought, I'm reminding myself that even leaving the house just a couple of times a week this summer with the baby and/or Aspen will be a triumph. I can't ask any more of myself until the time comes and I know what kind of postpartum I'm dealing with. I'll be seeing my OB this week and, since I won't have Aspen with me this time, I'm going to use the opportunity to discuss PPD with him. I want to be prepared and armed with whatever I need to feel human again as soon as possible after this pregnancy concludes.

Blogger Miggy has been sharing some of her PPD experiences lately (her third child is seven weeks old) and it is making me ... what's the word? Not anxious... but more aware that I can be prepared this time around. I'm motivated to explore my options since I know more of what could be awaiting me on the other side of pregnancy. I want to give myself adequate time to plan some courses of action to explore postpartum and make sure I'm taking care of myself.

I wish I didn't feel this way, though. I wish I could look forward to having a newborn. I wish I didn't dread the sleeplessness and the breastfeeding and the soothing and the diapering and the uncertainty. The work so many others would LOVE to do. But it's just so overwhelming to me I have a hard time being excited. I just picture myself weeping in Aspen's nursery, holding her for what felt like the millionth hour of the day, praying and praying that she would go to sleep. It still feels so fresh to me, that despair. It's hard to let it go.

But that is why I'm going to talk with my OB. That is why I'm open about my experience. I need help. I want help. I'll take help. And, hopefully, we'll be back in the swing of things sooner rather than later after the baby comes.

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8 comments:

  1. Good for you for planning ahead, that's really smart! I hope the doctor gives you some really great advice and you're able to transition more smoothly this time around. And hey, if breastfeeding give you loads of anxiety just pump or go the formula route. I only lasted 3 months with both my kids before switching to formula and they turned out just fine. ;) I hear you on the no sleep, that was a huge thing I dreaded and fretted about going into #2 also. At first it sucked and I felt like a zombie but it too shall pass eventually. And who knows, maybe he'll get the hang of a sleep routine quickly for you.

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    1. I remember the first three months of BF Aspen were the hardest, and then it became a non-issue! But I didn't know it could take that long so I was overwhelmed. Now that I know there might be a magical transition from hard to easy I'm hoping it'll go better this time around.

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  2. Good for you Liv. You're a great mom, you got this!! From personal experience, the second time around is a little easier because at least you *sort of* know what you're doing haha. You aren't going in completely blind ;) Best of luck talking with the OB and going forward :)

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    1. I'm really hopeful that my prior experiences will help me feel less crazy with the transition!! It's so hard to go from no-kids to KID-TWENTY-FOUR-SEVEN. But now I kind of know what to expect...

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  3. Aw, wow. These transitions can be so difficult sometimes. I expected PPD with my first, just because I had dealt with depression in the past and it runs in my family. But instead I ended up being so happy! Even though it was hard I was ready for it and I fell so in love with my son. Next time around I didn't give it a second thought and just assumed it would all go exactly the same way as it had before. But that was a big mistake, and I ended up having a really hard time with it, and then beating myself up mercilessly for that. You just never know how you will feel, but you're smart to be prepared for it, and it's a testament to the kind of mother you are. I hope you have the same kind of experience that I had the first time. I'll be thinking of you and your family and sending positive thoughts your way. <3

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    1. Thanks Allie! Maybe I should make and freeze some of your recipes ahead of time, so if all else fails and I feel crappy about motherhood I can stuff my face :)

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  4. Good luck and I think it's great to do it now and try to be as prepared as you can be. I hope all goes well for you.

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