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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Late-night thoughts

I'm still feeling so uninspired lately when it comes to writing. It doesn't help that I made the decision to mostly keep Aspen and her little life off this blog in order to protect her privacy. So I'm basically depriving myself of all my best material!

And it's hard to find anything worthwhile to write about when I feel like I just work, run errands, do housework, feel sick, feel hungry, try to exercise a sad body, teach Primary kids terrifying stories about everyone being smitten by the wrath of God (we're studying the Bible), aaaaaaaaaaaand repeat each week.

But I have hopes for the future. Kev is still working on the renovations for the new closet situation, which means our guest room/office is full of stuff waiting to find a more permanent location in the near future. I'm trying to convince myself that once the computer down there is accessible again, I'll make it a great space to escape and do some writing. Right now I usually try to find something in my brain while sitting at a cluttered kitchen table, trying to ignore the chaos around me and the chores staring me in the face (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, NEVER-ENDING DISHES). It's not the best environment to encourage creativity.

I think the reason I hang on to this space and the desire to write is because it's something I've always done. Writing has just always been a part of me. And when I recently went through some of my old boxes in our storage room I came across many of the papers I wrote in college (and even high school!). I miss that girl. The girl who used to read something and then think about it and then write coherently about it. I had ideas and complete sentences and... well... something to say that didn't involve babies or heartburn.

Obviously I am a very different person today than I was 10 years ago in college. And that's a really good thing. But it's still hard to let go of some parts of me, especially when they're perfectly good parts! I'm happy to say goodbye to the girl who used to listen to emo and cry about boys. But I'm not happy to say goodbye to the girl who used to write.

So, like I said before, I'll keep working on it. I'll keep looking for that little special something in the every day that feels worth writing about. And in the mean time, who knows what will keep showing up here?

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