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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Adjusting

I like being busy. Not too busy, but I like having something to do every day. Lately, though, it's been really difficult to leave the house.

I think it's a combination of sleep-deprivation and depression. I have a hard time summoning the energy to get showered and dressed and out the door on time. Well, I probably could have enough energy to get out the door, but on time is another hurdle.

It's really hard. I get just as bored, lonely and antsy as Aspen when we're at home all day. But I get so stressed lately when we leave the house and someone has a meltdown (not me! I swear!) or someone needs a nap or someone needs a snack or someone has a blow out or whatever regular obstacles pop up when taking care of kids. So instead of facing those little blips with my big-girl pants on, I just stay home and let Aspen drive me crazy.

I mean... we do leave the house for preschool and dance class, but I went a good three weeks without leaving by myself with both kids for anything else unless it was mandatory. This week I went back to work and it was exhausting. Aspen was up before the sun, and her tantrum woke Lincoln. So I was up wayyyy too early and was extra frazzled because I had planned to have a few minutes to myself before getting the kids up (or at least before getting Aspen up). When that didn't happen, I was thrown off course.

At work, Linc refused to take his bottle and I didn't have the luxury of breastfeeding him because the daycare was full. There was another baby as well as a little girl potty training. Please, parents, for the love of all that is holy, do not send your potty training kids to my daycare. Keep them home until it's a done deal. This tiny darling ended up needing A LOT of help using the bathroom and she ended up having an accident anyway.

So I had Linc screaming his head off to either eat or fall asleep, and he did neither during my shift. It was hard to tune out his cries and give real attention to the other kids. Thankfully Aspen was able to help me a lot, and even though Linc wouldn't actually eat from his bottle, he liked it when Aspen held it in his mouth so he could chew on it. Little jerk.

I anticipate it'll get easier, but right now it's overwhelming. I just keep telling myself it's worth it because only four hours a month at the daycare pays for Aspen's dance class. It's the least I can do! But I still feel a little like a crazy person.

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