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Thursday, December 11, 2014

Letters to Lincoln, month 6

Little crazy baby man-

I'm just so thrilled with each passing day. I'm not trying to wish away your infancy or anything (at least not every day), but I am trying to get past the sleepless stage as quickly as possible. But in the meantime I'm holding you a lot and feeding you a lot and playing with you a lot and also ignoring your screams a lot. It is such a strange phenomenon that you won't take a binky or suck your fingers to calm yourself the heck down. Aspen was such an addict!

By this time with your sister, I started some sleep training. She was able to soothe to sleep with just a binky, so it worked pretty well for her. I remember the first night was very hard for me because I listened to her cry for over an hour. But the next night it was only a few minutes before she let herself fall back asleep.

You, however, break. my. heart. You have been trained to fall asleep while being held. You prefer being nursed to having a binky. You won't soothe at just the sound of my voice the way Aspen did. It's hard, but it's my own fault. In the early days I was so desperate to get you to sleep so I could focus on your sister that I did whatever made it easiest- and often that was nursing you to sleep. I just needed to be able to put you down without having you scream so I could handle juggling the two of you by myself at bedtime. And I still need to be able to do that so I can get Aspen to bed before 9 freakin pm. And since I've recently accepted the fact that you were colicky, we've been trying to recover from that lately.

So. Here we are. Daddy gently suggests I let you cry it out, but I can't stomach it. I am convinced you just neeeeeed meeeeee soooooo muuuuuch to feel better. Your cries attest to this. The one time I attempted to let you cry while you were strapped into a swing with soothing music and your blanket, you started gasping and I couldn't take it so I got you out after just ten minutes. And when Daddy tries to put you to bed, you scream forevvvvvvvverrrrrrrr.

When you go to college do you want me on the top bunk or the bottom??
Yup, "Cute Little Girl."
About a week after you turned 5 months, I gave you baby oatmeal for the first time. You had three servings... so I think you liked it. But it definitely didn't help you sleep any better. You were up two hours later, as per usual, and then we had a really rough night of me sleeping in your nursing chair with you in my lap. I just... I dunno. I was really hopeful the cereal would work like magic. I remember it did for Aspen the first time. That night of uninterrupted sleep recharged me so much! I'm looking forward to having one of those again.

As you've approached six months, you have yet to really roll over. You've kind of flopped around a bit when put on an uneven surface (like blankets), and you roll to your side when you're on your back and really want something. You like sitting up, though, and you spend of lot of time in your command center, still. You recently started jumping in it, and you love that.

You also stopped taking a bottle. There's no way for anyone but me to feed you and that is a little overwhelming. It's why I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. It's obviously my preferred method of feeding you, but I want it all! I want the convenience of someone else being able to bottle-feed you breast milk and the convenience of being able to feed you myself. Mostly, it'd be nice since I'm working more and can't feed you during my shift (whether you're with me or home with Daddy). It's hard to get the timing right so you're not in need of a meal while I'm working.

But as you continue eating more real food (oatmeal, squash, sweet potatoes, banana, pears, apples, carrots, cool whip *ahem*) I know nursing will be less of an issue. I am looking forward to weaning eventually because I've got a chronically upset left breast and I'm ready for that to be over.

You've developed a very keen interest in your sister, and you light up when she puts on a show for you. You love her peek-a-boo, you love her "Who Let the 'A' Out?" song, you love her laugh, you love baths with her, you love love love when she gets on top of you and squishes you... It's a great relationship right now. You make her feel like a million bucks.

She really loves to play with you, and share her toys with you. One of your favorite cuddly things is a pink poofy poodle she let you have. And you look fabulous in her crowns and headbands. You're so fancy!

I'm looking forward to another month full of milestones and growth and *hopefully* better sleep.

Love you,

See Aspen's monthly letter HERE.

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