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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Wrap it up, 2014

2014 has been a challenging year. I was pregnant and puking for the first six months, and in the months following Lincoln's birth I've been battling other deamons.

What makes it so particularly difficult is that initially I wasn't feeling so depressed. I felt nothing but love for my baby boy and my helpful girl. I was amazed at how the transition from one to two kids was so smooth. I had energy and was motivated to get out of the house for errands and play dates. I felt on top of it!

But then the colic hit. The constant screaming from 5-10p unless Linc was being nursed. The countless hours spent rocking and bouncing and practically catapulting him through space to soothe him. Trying to juggle bedtime for two kids by myself for months. It wore me down. I didn't want to leave the house for anything. I dreaded visitors and responsibilities and couldn't decide whether day or night was worse. 

As Linc is sleeping a little better and I'm making Kev go in more during the late-night hours, I feel I'm turning a corner. But I wish turning the page on my depression was as easy as turning the page on the calendar.

I'm looking forward to 2015 because my baby will turn one. He will learn to self-soothe to sleep (so help me, he will!), he will be weaned, he will interact more with his sister, he will become a little person. Aspen will graduate pre-school, have another dance recital, and will start Kindergarten. They'll both grow so much, and it will be such a relief to me.

Regardless what life throws at me in the upcoming year, I hope I can stick with the mantra that's been floating in my head since November: MIGHTY. I need to be stronger in the face of adversity, more sure of my place in the world, my role in my family and more committed to my goals.

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