Aspen is hesitant to let me take photos of her and Linc these days, but I keep bugging her about it, telling her when she's grown she'll be SO happy to have so many photos with her brother. Not a lot of my family photos survived our house fire and I'm so grateful for the few I have. I love having pictures to compare the kids' faces to, and seeing how they change and look more like each side of the family at different stages in their lives.
Our 4th of July weekend was really low-key. Kev spent the month of June preparing for an important audit at work, and wasn't home much. In addition, he had a side job on Saturday so wasn't home until long after the kids were in bed. I'm exhausted from manning the kids around the clock and working and taking care of the house, and don't have the energy to take the kids to celebrations by myself. It's so stressful keeping an eye on both of them and talking myself out of having an anxiety attack over losing them in public. I had a fleeting thought of going somewhere by myself with the kids, like Bear Lake or Pineview but then I laughed at how ridiculous that would be. I look forward to the next family vacation we have, since it's been 1.5 years. Walking around the neighborhood with the kids on Friday night, it was hard not to feel jealous and depressed seeing neighbors packing up their cars and trailers and boats for their long weekend adventures. I don't want to to do anything huge, but it would be nice to have Kev home so we could at least go to parades, fireworks, picnics, etc. I usually forget how much anxiety I have until I consider doing something (seemingly simple) like that by myself with the kids.
Thankfully they don't need much in the way of adventure to have a good time. Aspen just likes to know why we celebrate certain holidays, and she likes reading about the history behind many of them. Both kids are super happy to eat Popsicles and light sparklers and see the flags that get put up on our street for holidays like this.I'll try not to beat myself up over not doing more, because I'm just trying to do the best I can.
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