Shining Time Station

We had to see the trains again! To kick off Memorial Day Weekend, Zjani and I met up at Union Station with the kids. Since Aspen had friends to show her all the cool things to do, she was much more willing to get out of her stroller (can you believe she ASKED to ride in her stroller?!) and climb aboard.

We even had someone come out of the gift shop to let us walk through the two cars on the yard. And she showed us how to ring the bell on one of the engines. Can you guess how much the kids loved that? Yeah, a lot.

One of the best parts of the day (besides getting to catch up with Zjani) was seeing all three kids working with the stroller to make their own train. It was the definition of adorable.

We are so lucky to live in a city with so much to do. I'm especially glad there's so much FREE stuff to do.

Queen of Sheba

Maddie takes her sunbathing very seriously. She cannot just lay on the grass, oh no. She must lay on a hot surface to maximize her exposure to both heat and UVA/UVB rays.

After putting Aspen down for her nap and getting the home-made bagels in the oven, I went into my room to put a dish towel in the laundry basket. As I walked into my room, I noticed two little black ears visible through my window. Which meant Maddie was no longer on the ground, where four-legged creatures belong.

So I peek out my window and see that Maddie has in fact jumped onto the patio table and is sunning herself without a care in the world. She didn't even pay heed to my camera clicking when I took her photo. She must be taking tips from my brother's dog, Samson, who refuses to lay down even on CARPET. That dog must have a blanket or a couch under his butt for him to consider relaxing.

Oh, Maddie. This was cute enough for me to forgive you for ripping open the trash bag I stupidly left outside earlier that day.

My story- how I avoided the Freshman 15

See previous posts on this subject here.

Since high school was so painful, let's just skip to my freshman year of college (I might get back to it later, but man... it's tough). I joked on Facebook that if the first three years of college had an official title, it'd be something like "the years I spent seeking validation through the approval of boys," or "the years I spent being in love with the idea of being in love, without ever actually BEING IN LOVE."

They were still wonderful years, though.

My freshman year I opened up like a butterfly. I clawed my way out of depression with the help of counseling and medication and I burst out of my cocoon, ready to experience life. I was hopelessly in love with a boy who'd never have me (we'll call him... Jared) but the anticipation of "what if" was almost as good as actually being asked on a date.

Recently, I read through my journals from this time period and was reminded of one trial that took a while to overcome. In my mind, I remember it being something I dealt with just for a couple of months, but in reality, it was closer to two years that I consistently wrote about hating my body.

When I left for college, my family joked that I couldn't come home for Christmas if I fell prey to the "Freshman 15." I'd never worried excessively about my weight before but something changed at some point. In addition to being so poor I could barely afford groceries, I found a sense of well-being in controlling what I could eat. I limited myself to almost nothing, and eventually starting flirting with bulimia. I devoted myself to exercise.

I wrote in my journal that if my body wasn't so disgusting (I was a totally normal 5' 4", 115 pounds!!), I'd be able to have a boyfriend. Jared and I talked on the phone probably 20 hours a week, and I convinced myself that if I was smaller, I'd be cuter and he'd fall in love with me. Guess what. Jared's not that shallow. Changing my body would never change how he felt about me.

But I couldn't see it like that. And don't misinterpret that I blame him for what I did to myself. I don't at all. He's actually the only person I ended up talking with about my eating disorder. He helped me understand that I was hurting myself and in turn, hurting him.

I eventually discussed it with my counselor, and he started keeping tabs on that aspect of my life as well. I stopped throwing up because I was so embarrassed to have to tell my counselor every time I did it. My pride was strong enough to overcome my vanity.

Over time, I separated my self-worth from my body image. If only I could have separated it from depending on the number of dates I had.

Penny for your thoughts, month 22

Hey Penny!

So yeah. Last month I thought you were 22 months. I have no idea how old you really are. At least I remember to feed you!

Also, I'm glad April is behind is. So far behind us I can no longer see it in the rear view mirror. I've gathered that you felt sick the entire month and that is why you threw nonstop tantrums. We're mostly over that now. Which is so nice because I was thisclose to giving you to a better family.

At this stage, you're talking almost non-stop. And not just jabbering; we're getting full sentences from you. I don't understand who taught you to talk so much. I am certainly not responsible for that. One evening while I was teaching Yoga, you and Daddy were in the front yard playing. When Daddy walked toward the street to adjust the sprinkler, Emilie heard you yell "DADDY COME HERE RIGHT NOW!" from across the street. I'm so glad you're learning that we don't go near the road. EVER. You also like to find something you think Maddie will like and then proceed to holler for her until she decides to investigate. It's great that you two get along so much better again.

Now that our summer has basically started, we spend a lot of time outside every day. We get to enjoy the kiddie pool, walks to the water, walks in the neighborhood, and play time at the park. Mama just got a bike trailer from the other Taylors (Thanks Kev and SueAnn) and you literally scream for it because you love riding in it so much. I love that it's not only great exercise for the grownups, but a good time for you. It also helps that Mama can't really hear if you're complaining when we're zooming down the parkway.

You're perfecting your climbing skills and enjoying the pillow mountains and forts we build together in the living room. This month, you figured out how to use the ottoman in Mama's room to climb onto the bed. You like to perch there and watch Craig and Oscar work on the shed in the backyard. Also, the way you pronounce "Oscar" is tooooo cute. I worry you'll soon put your climbing to use in your crib though, and we'll soon have to switch it to a daybed to prevent brain damage.

Meal times are going pretty well, and your favorite part of lunch is the cookie. Sometimes we make it through our food together before you realize you haven't had one yet. Other times you just hold the cookie in one hand until you're done with the "real" food on your plate. And then you devour that Oreo.

Speaking of "devour..." Caillou is your absolute most favorite best thing in the world. I actually caught you LICKING THE TV one morning when Caillou was on. Mama almost died. You just love some Caillou first thing in the morning. And in the afternoon. And before bed. We're trying to keep it to one solid hour of Caillou per day because his voice is so annoying I want to pull my ears off my head. But hey, whatever.

Lately you're more of a joy than a trial, which says a lot about how Mama is growing with you. You're happy to say "I WUV YOU" and to sing the ABCs on command. We WUV you too, Henny Penny.

Loves,
Mama

Starry, starry night.

On Sunday we had dinner with a few friends and I'm so glad we did! For one, all the little kids get along together really well. Also, it was the night of the solar eclipse, and we might not have made such a big deal out of it if we had been home alone.

Kev brought his welding mask over to Jon's and Sharice's so we could look through it and a pair of sunglasses and stare directly at the sun. Doesn't that sound like a really great idea? Well, it worked. And I'm not blind yet.

The shadows were so amazing! The kids played in the sandbox for ages while the adults got to chat and observe the eclipse. Jon's brother made a contraption of cardboard and aluminum foil so we could avoid burning our eyes out. There was a pin hole in the foil so the image of the eclipse could be projected through the cardboard tube onto the paper taped at the end.

So crafty.

Did you see the eclipse, too?

That time Aspen's legs were broken when we visited Union Station.

Funny thing, isn't it? Toddlers always want to walk when they can't, and be held when they should be RUNNING AROUND LIKE CRAZY EXPLORING COOL TRAINS.

We went to Union Station last week when Kev took a special day off to celebrate my birthday/Mother's/Father's Day. Do you like the new holiday we invented? If it means Kev is home randomly in the middle of the week, then I sure do!

Aspen's been very interested in lots of things lately, like oh, y'know... TRAINS. When we were in Roy to visit Nikki and Eva, we got stopped at the tracks by a passing train. And the following week we got stopped again in Ogden as a train crossed 12th St. I'm glad her obsession reminded me of the Groupon I bought for the Union Station. It was set to expire in June, so we needed to use it.

Aspen really wanted Kev to run her around the museum to follow the model trains as they whizzed through different exhibits. Needless to say, she was pretty pissssssed when we told her it was time to move on. Thankfully, they found this ghetto train table tucked in the back of one of the rooms. Not creepy at all!

Would you like to guess how long Aspen and Kev sat at the fountain before Aspen took her shoes off and stuck her feet in? Hmmm. About three minutes. Not bad at all.

It was nice to get all three of us in for only $5, especially since I made us leave later than I had originally planned which meant we dipped into Aspen's regular lunch time and she turned into a little gremlin whenever we tried to switch activities. At least in the future I can take her to the train yard for free to check out the engines/cabooses/etc to get her fix.

I was glad there was a curator available to show us not only the infirmary car, but the mail car as well. So cool. And Aspen did actually walk around the inside of those trains without crying. She thought the potties and bunk beds were neato. Can you guess which of the two she tried to climb into? Here's a hint: it wasn't a bunk bed.

Making peace

"... the relationships she carried with her, the ones that hadn't seemed to die, no matter how far in the past they were, were always the ones that didn't actually have an end. They were the ones that were cut short before their life span was up. The relationships where one person decided they'd had enough... and the other person never had a chance to say their piece, to explain how they felt, to be acknowledged at all."

This is an excerpt from Jane Green's novel "Bookends," In 2003 I recorded this passage in my journal and since I was undergoing the turmoil of wanting to be in love without having any real prospects (or knowledge of what it actually means to be in love) I found this to be a perfect explanation of my life. All the boys I dated either left to serve LDS missions (some with nicer farewells than others) or they weren't on the same page as me at all when it came to religion. I never understood then (as few 19-year-olds do) why relationships weren't working out.

I see now that I never picked a boy who was right for me. I picked boys who had no choice but to leave. It wasn't until years later, when I decided to stop picking, that the right one picked me.