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Monday, February 08, 2016

Waiting My Turn

Before Kev got sick last year, I'd been working on a savings plan so by Fall 2016 I could enroll in a Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT) certification. If I stuck to the outline, I would have had enough money to cover the cost of the program at SLCC. I was getting really excited, especially since I'd faithfully been putting money aside each week and was caught up as of May to the expected total (I'd started saving after 2015 had begun, so I was behind for a while).

After the medical bills started rolling in, I began emptying my jar each week to help cover the costs of life. Even after letting our Bishop take responsibility for a huge chunk of the bills (thank you, church welfare!), it was still a little overwhelming to juggle the monthly payments and our regular expenses. So I started using the cash to buy groceries, and it quickly ran out.

Original graphic by me.

It was really disappointing, even though I know it's worth it having Kev ALIVE. I was so hopeful that I would have this for myself- something that would allow me to quit working in daycare and instead go back to instructing Yoga. It's something I've wanted to do for so long, but each time I start putting money aside, we have something come up (when I was pregnant with Linc I started saving for the RYT cert and then went to the stupid ER because I thought I had miscarried. As a result, bye-bye Yoga money *insert sobbing emoji here*).

In a way, it's good I'd been saving up because then I had cash on hand for emergencies. But on the flip side, it sucks because it seems like any time I try to do something for myself, I have to give it up. In the last couple of years, I gave up being able to eat for nine months because I was so sick during my pregnancy with Lincoln. Then I gave up sleeping for a year because LINCOLN. And I've had to give up on the training twice.

There's a right time for everything, I know, but it has been so difficult to wait for my time to teach Yoga again. It's hard to see our money going toward other things we need, when I feel this is kind of something I need, as opposed to just want. I need to be useful outside of my family. For me, there's so much satisfaction and self-worth associated with working outside of my home, and I miss having a job that I looked forward to. Yes, doing the daycare is a lot easier now that Linc doesn't scream the entire time I'm there with him, but it's not the same kind of fulfillment as leading a Yoga practice. Yes, I do love my work-from-home job, but it doesn't get me interacting face-to-face with other adults each week.

Of course, leaving Linc with a sitter while I teach Yoga is probably not even doable at this point, anyway. So even if I could get certified this Fall, I doubt I could actually start teaching anywhere. But certifying, and feeling like I was finally making progress toward that goal, was something I was looking forward to so much. Perhaps putting off the cert will actually be beneficial. It'll give Linc time to adjust to not being with me 24/7. Not to mention I've been out of the Yoga groove for a while and need to use as much time as I have to get back into it. I felt like having the time to save the money, though, was a good motivator to up my personal practice before attending a training.

That being said, Imma go do some Sun Salutations.

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