After the medical bills started rolling in, I began emptying my jar each week to help cover the costs of life. Even after letting our Bishop take responsibility for a huge chunk of the bills (thank you, church welfare!), it was still a little overwhelming to juggle the monthly payments and our regular expenses. So I started using the cash to buy groceries, and it quickly ran out.
|Original graphic by me.|
It was really disappointing, even though I know it's worth it having Kev ALIVE. I was so hopeful that I would have this for myself- something that would allow me to quit working in daycare and instead go back to instructing Yoga. It's something I've wanted to do for so long, but each time I start putting money aside, we have something come up (when I was pregnant with Linc I started saving for the RYT cert and then went to the stupid ER because I thought I had miscarried. As a result, bye-bye Yoga money *insert sobbing emoji here*).
In a way, it's good I'd been saving up because then I had cash on hand for emergencies. But on the flip side, it sucks because it seems like any time I try to do something for myself, I have to give it up. In the last couple of years, I gave up being able to eat for nine months because I was so sick during my pregnancy with Lincoln. Then I gave up sleeping for a year because LINCOLN. And I've had to give up on the training twice.
There's a right time for everything, I know, but it has been so difficult to wait for my time to teach Yoga again. It's hard to see our money going toward other things we need, when I feel this is kind of something I need, as opposed to just want. I need to be useful outside of my family. For me, there's so much satisfaction and self-worth associated with working outside of my home, and I miss having a job that I looked forward to. Yes, doing the daycare is a lot easier now that Linc doesn't scream the entire time I'm there with him, but it's not the same kind of fulfillment as leading a Yoga practice. Yes, I do love my work-from-home job, but it doesn't get me interacting face-to-face with other adults each week.
Of course, leaving Linc with a sitter while I teach Yoga is probably not even doable at this point, anyway. So even if I could get certified this Fall, I doubt I could actually start teaching anywhere. But certifying, and feeling like I was finally making progress toward that goal, was something I was looking forward to so much. Perhaps putting off the cert will actually be beneficial. It'll give Linc time to adjust to not being with me 24/7. Not to mention I've been out of the Yoga groove for a while and need to use as much time as I have to get back into it. I felt like having the time to save the money, though, was a good motivator to up my personal practice before attending a training.
That being said, Imma go do some Sun Salutations.
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