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Friday, July 31, 2015

Meckel Memo

Kev has been home from the hospital and doing fine for over two months. Having the diverticulum removed (although we always refer to it as a Meckel because that's so much more hilarious) solved his health problems and he recovered perfectly from the surgery. He is back at 100% function at work and home and I'm really grateful.

But some days I feel like it's still happening. The stress and emotions are still very raw for me. I have nightmares that he's coughing up blood and doctors can't get transfusions administered quickly enough, and he dies. I dream of rooms with walls covered in blood, and doctors who don't know how to help Kev.

One day while rocking Lincoln to sleep for a nap (okay, I mean bouncing him on an exercise ball forever), I happened to scroll through my phone messages and found all the texts that were flying back and forth during Kev's hospital stay. I put Linc in his crib and sat in the hallway, crying. Reading through those messages brought me right back to that week. It was so horrific.

Apparently I'm still really stressed out about this whole Meckel situation. I'm not living in fear that Kev will suddenly get sick again or anything like that... but I really think I'm still trying to recover from the experience.

We drove by St. Mark's on our way home from the zoo last week and Kev was wondering out loud where the Arctic Circle is (for ICE CREAAAAM!). I told him exactly where it is because I remember passing it multiple times a day when driving back and forth from the hospital to see him and manage the kids at home.

When Kev initially got home from the hospital and wasn't constantly on the pain meds, he admitted it was kind of nice having a "break" and being away from everything for a few days. I was like OH MY GOSH I AM A CRAZY PERSON AND YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION THIS WHOLE TIME.

I have to remind myself the Meckel actually happened to Kev, and not to me. But, in all fairness, he was asleep for a lot of it. Or medicated. Seth and I were the ones experiencing the nightmare in the flesh, and dealing with watching Kev bleed near to death. And it seems every other day I get another updated bill in the mail (did you know it costs a kajillion dollars to have a Meckel?!) so I'm reminded of it multiple times a week.

So I feel like it's okay that I'm still processing everything. It was a big freakin deal and showed me yet again that I can do hard things. I look forward to this hard thing becoming a distant, DISTANT memory.

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